Today, we had the privilege of going to our driver's home here in Hyderabad. Nabi has 2 sons and a daughter, and is so very proud of them all, and we talk of them often on our adventures around Hyderabad. He was very excited when I said to him a few weeks ago that I would like to meet his family, and that if we could arrange it when my Mum was here, that she would also love to meet them. He was very keen for us to come to his home and even happier when I said I could also bring the boys this week.
Nabi and his extended family, of which I believe there are 17, all live a very small space consisting of 4 rooms plus a kitchen - of which the kitchen was the size of a small cupboard. There weren't really any doors - just curtains to zone areas off. I think they share a bathroom with the two other flats on the same floor and they pay the equivalent of $150 AUD per month in rent, including electricity and water - which would be approximately a 1/3 of Nabi's monthly salary. The space was clean and tidy but very modest and basic. Nabi was very proud of the new TV that he has mounted on the wall but was not happy that his mother (75), his wife and sisters were the ones who determined what the watched - mainly Indian soap operas and Bollywood movies - not cricket. Even though we thought his home was small and simple, it was definitely better than many of the other surrounding 'houses'. Many of those houses have been provided to low caste families by the government, and Nabi said it was difficult for those people with no running water and only basic sanitary details.
Nabi is the eldest in his family of 5 boys and 4 girls. His father passed away 15 years ago and Nabi then became the patriarch of the family, with his siblings looking up to him for guidance and support. His mother still lives with him and she is respected and loved by all the family. Nabi was married via an arranged marriage when he was only 20. His aunt and husband had died suddenly, and left two young girls with no family, so his father thought it would be best to marry Nabi to one of the girls. His wife was only 13 at the time ! So, yes, he married his cousin but it was more an act of protection and caring on behalf of Nabi's father than anything else. Nabi and his wife have a very humble life but the respect and care shown was very obvious and lovely to see.
Many of the family members were there today to meet us and all came with smiles on there faces and had such pride in their home and dress. For us, it was wonderful to meet a couple of his sisters and most of the children, as it is a holiday this week and school is closed. Nabi's eldest son is 17 and studying at 'college' and dreams of being in the aeronautical industry and possibly traveling overseas. His 15 year old daughter wants to be a teacher, however, the family are already discussing an arranged marriage for her. Nabi is struggling with this concept, as his traditional views say that an arranged marriage is the correct path to take, but he knows his daughter could be so much more and would love to see her happier than most of the young girls he sees in India. His youngest son is 11 and just loves cricket and playing with his friends.
Two of Nabi's brothers have recently married and the two young wives met us today - they are only 15 and 17 !!! They are now learning to cook and maintain a household, as wives need to in Indian families. It was both shocking and saddening to meet these young ladies and know how lucky I have been to have the life and opportunities I have had, and most Australian girls are the same. My future discussions with my own boys about respect for family, elders and women, and the opportunities they have available to them, will now have a greater meaning.
The entire family loved meeting our boys and were fascinated with their fair skin and Max's blonde hair. Sadly, the boys are now getting older and are a bit shy in these situations, so it was harder to get them to engage etc. Don't worry though, Mum and I chatted away and Nabi translated for us. Mum even tried the beetle leaf, without the tobacco, from Nabi's mother - that resulted in lots of giggling. His wife offered us a chai, and even though we said 'no sugar' it was still the sweetest drink I think I've ever tasted !!
Overall, the morning with Nabi's family will be something that stays with me for a very long time. The respect and family focus was lovely to experience and Nabi enjoyed our interest in his family.
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| the local area is so different to the area we live in |
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| the view from Nabi's home |
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| Nabi, his wife and his 3 children |
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| many of his family members - the other members were at work. |
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| Nabi's mother - she decorates saris for 20 rupees each |
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| the local boys playing football |
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